phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
