I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
