I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
