when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
