So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
