and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
