tell your sister to shave her snatch
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Farmville is her only friend.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
