I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
