ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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