we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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