There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
