Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
But theres a keg here and me gusta
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
