the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
