Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
