Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
