Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
this just has baby written all over it
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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