can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
