I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
