i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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