either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
