he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
