We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
