i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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