just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
