She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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