No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I am midnight drunk by noon
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
nutella sex= disaster
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
