you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
