No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
