Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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