Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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