I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
