yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
