I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
