you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
