so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
