so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
