Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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