C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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