bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
