He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
