She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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