Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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