Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
