Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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