I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
