At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
And then my night got REAL pukey
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
