The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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