btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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