tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
