Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
