the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
