this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
